Time to reflect is supposed to be a sine qua non of professional practice; it is the fundament of modern reflective practice. [More circular talk.]
I have time now to reflect and I cycle continually through the legacy-happiness tradeoff; is this an imagined tradeoff: is it possible to have it all: a loving, committed relationship; meaningful family time and extraordinary professional practice?
Consideration after consideration says that it is the nature of the beast: an open mind, an open heart, an acceptance bias and all the optimism imaginable cannot transmute hope into reality.
Even not having to rediscover the wheel; even given positive accidents of genetics and compulsions and circumstances, superlatives truly remain rare.
It is frustrating having this brain - this extraordinary machine - and not having the requisite socket for it's optimal performance. Satisficing still leaves a sense of LACK, like having a high calorie meal lacking in essential trace elements....
Extraordinary is possible if somewhat nebulous. I have to map, define, delineate extraordinary before assessing costs and benefits, tradeoffs, collapsed quantum states...
...Anyone there?
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